Chocolate, Quakers, and Poe

I am soooo excited that candy season is upon us! I think I'm more excited about Halloween this year than when I was a kid! Okay, maybe not. But the few kids that come to my house are going to be loaded up with candy. I have got to get rid of my surplus or you all are going to see me on the next A & E Hoarders episode. I'll be known forevermore as the Crazy Candy Lady.

Forevermore - how Poe of me! If I only had a raven.....

I'm going to go on one of my famous rants here, so get ready!! I am completely opposed to so called "healthy" Halloween treats. I'm still bitter about that box of raisins I got back in 1975. Who the hell wants raisins for Halloween? I had my Mom giving me crummy raisins in my lunch box all year, I want SUGAR at Halloween!

Which brings us to this:

Quaker Mini Granola Bars. Now let's give this product some thought. How does our friendly Quaker man feel about having his happy, smiling visage plastered on a product celebrating a pagan holiday? There he is smiling like a cherub surrounded by angry looking spirits of the undead. At least Palmer gives us a mad Doctor, not a Quaker! What is the world coming to?

Hell, I'd be angry too if I got one of these in my Trick or Treat bag:



The "sprinkles" are all crushed and look crappy and to call these chocolate chip is right. Chip - as in one. One chip. I kid you not. The chocolate chips are mighty hard to come by. And the Quaker is on every bar. Apparently no one at Quaker Oats thinks twice about the poor Quaker man anymore. He has become completely meaningless. Where's Aunt Jemima when you need her?

Now let's talk about the bold statements on the package - "a good source of calcium." If you eat three of these for 180 calories you get 10% of your recommended calcium. For fewer calories I can get twice as much calcium from my yogurt. I wouldn't really look to these for my daily dose of calcium. (Somebody call the FDA - tell them you're a Quaker.) These do have less fat and sugar than a comparable candy bar, but more calories. (And they taste like crap in comparison.) Let's see - mini Twix or mini granola bar. Any kid that willingly picks the granola bar has obviously been brainwashed by his parents and should be removed from that home immediately. (Call DSS - but don't say anything about being a Quaker, they might think you're a Mormon and try to take YOUR kids away.)

Hmmmm....so just how "healthy"? And will it really make any difference to have 10 less grams of sugar on a night when you might eat 10,000 grams of sugar? I say give me sugar or give me death! It will probably be both, but at least I'll die happy. My ghost will be smiling.

Maybe those of you morally opposed to such candy decadence as the mini-Reese's or mini-Snickers (my all time favorite as a kid - what a score!), could go for these:

Cute little mini Twix! Three different flavors and only 50 calories each.

Starting from the left, we have dark chocolate. These are the perfect bite size and dark chocolate fans should love this. (Parent you can pick all of these out for yourselves.) I've always liked the texture mix in a Twix - chocolate, caramel and the crunchy cookie - delish! Next is triple chocolate which is REALLY good! Milk chocolate, and a chocolate caramel with a chocolate cookie. The last is regular old Twix with milk chocolate, caramel and the cookie. The autopsy photos always reveal the truth. I so want a T-shirt that reads Chocolate CSI. : )

Those damn chocolate chip granola bars are a crime scene, that's for sure. The whole bag has 15 of them - that's 15 chocolate chips who gave their lives. Eat all 15 bars and you could have half your calcium for the day. I'm putting crime scene tape around Quaker headquarters right now, surely this is illegal.

My favorite of the Twix bars was the middle one - the Triple Chocolate. If you're a Twix fan, you might want to check these out. The package (beautifully decorated for fall, I might add) says they are a limited edition. And we know what that means - get them now or you might find them nevermore.

Bwah, ha, ha!!!!! Happy Halloween!!!

Update on Trader Joe's Almond in the Coconut

Quick update! After I reviewed this to die for treat, several people wrote in and said it was discontinued at their Trader Joe's. So I wrote TJ's and asked them about it. I got a generic response, but, hey - it's better than nothing. I guess.

Hi Denise,
Thank you for your interest in our products. We are sorry to hear that we have discontinued a favorite product of yours.

At Trader Joe's our mission is to bring you the best quality products at the best prices. In order to manage our store space well products must meet a certain sales criteria in order to earn their way onto our shelves. If a product does not sell well we take this as a vote from our customers that they would like to see something different.

Although the Almond in the Coconut has been discontinued, at times because of high demand we have seen discontinued items make their way back on our shelves. We will forward your comments and request to bring this product back to our Buying Department and that will be taken into future consideration.

Sincerely,
Tiffany
Trader Joe's
Customer Relations

So I guess we can keep e-mailing and asking and maybe they'll bring it back. It makes me sad to think it's gone.

But hey, there are always caramel filled eyeballs!!

Yee Haw!! The North Carolina State Fair!!!

I'm heading out to the State Fair with my Sorbet Sistahs - look for a posting tonight!! I plan to try Fried Ho Hos, fried pecan pie, and fried peanut butter and jelly - at a minimum!! If you read a story about a woman exploding like a weather balloon - it will be no hoax.

Little Debbie and the Exorcist

Thank you all for the well wishes on my surgery! I'm going in on the Monday of the week of Thanksgiving. I'll keep you posted. On to happier stuff.....

I have had a love affair with Little Debbie Snack Cakes for as long as I can remember. The Swiss Cake Roll is my most beloved. But this year I thought I'd try some seasonal treats. My eyes lit up when I saw these:

How cute are these? I mean, when was the last time one of your cookies smiled at you? These are delicious - very cakey, very spicy and pumkiny. But I wanted to eat the whole box. In one sitting. These cookies possessed me, called to me at night and wouldn't give me peace until I ate every last one of them. As much as I lover her and as cute as she is, Little Debbie is the spawn of Satan.

Now look at these:

They look fabulous and festive and chocolatey!! I was so excited!! But you know what? Not so good. Seriously. I was thunderstruck. Gobsmacked. I had to take another bite.

How could it be? What was wrong? I dunno. They just didn't work. I like the chocolate cake, white icing combo better. These were so lame I trashed them. Let me type that again - I trashed Little Debbies. You know they must have been bad. It was tragic. It makes me sad now just to think about it. What a waste of sprinkles.

There were also some Little Debbie fall brownies. I went back to get some and they were gone! Who knew there would be a run on Little Debbie brownies? Some of these fall products aren't around very long, so if you see something you want to try, grab it!! And if you like pumpkin, those cookies are soooo good! And if you buy some and need someone to perform an exorcism after they possess you, call me. What was it the priest said to the demon in The Exorcist? "Come into me, Pumpkin Cookies! Come into me!"

Happy Halloween!!

How to Conquer Fear

I've kind of been holding out on you guys. My hip saga has continued and I actually have scheduled the surgery. I thought the best way to update you might be to use my situation to help you think about any scary situations you may be facing. It's the season to think about scary things, right? And we're all in this life together.

We all have times when we’re worried about things. Hell, we all have times when we are downright afraid. Fear is the great enthusiasm destroyer. If we want to burn with passion, we have to conquer fear. But how?

I’m going to use the hip surgery as an example. You can substitute whatever you are afraid of (asking for a raise, confronting a problem employee, a health issue, a financial issue, a relationship issue – whatever it is that’s stealing your joy).

As you guys know, I have severe arthritis in my right hip. It’s gotten to the point that it’s bad enough to keep me from doing the things I want to do. We’re not talking things like running; we’re talking things like walking down the streets of Chicago pain free. I was limping on my way to the Chocolate Tour!

They surgery is at least two nights in the hospital and weeks of recovery. It scares me. Let me mention here that it doesn’t matter what other people think – if something scares you, it scares you. And you have to deal with it.

Okay, here we go.

1.) Admit it and understand it. We’re supposed to be tough in America. It’s hard to admit that you’re scared. It makes other people nervous and uncomfortable. I’m not saying you have to rent a billboard, but you do have to admit it to yourself. Once you admit it, you have to really understand it. Okay – here’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve never spent a night in the hospital before – it scares me. I’ll be completely at the mercy of strangers. I’ll be knocked out and in pain – utterly vulnerable. Also, I’m going through this alone. I’m not married, am not dating anyone, have no kids, my Mom passed away, and my father isn’t coming within 100 miles of a hospital during flu season. And let’s face it, surgery is dangerous, something could go wrong. I could die.

Who would carry on my chocolate blog?

2.) Knowledge is power. Okay, let’s be honest here. What I’m scared of is the unknown. I don’t know what the heck is going to happen and it is terrifying. So I have talked with people who have had hip surgery – the consensus is that the only thing they regret is not having it sooner. I went to a pre-operative class. I’ve been asking all kinds of questions and reading everything I can find. The more I know about it, the less afraid I am. I realize a lot of people have done this. I feel a small bit of control.

3.) Slap yourself and get rational. Yeah, yeah, it’s sad that I’m alone. I wish I had a husband or boyfriend to be by my side and hold my hand. But the reality is that the last two guys I dated would probably be spending more time trying to hook up with the nurses than comforting me. And I love my friends to death, but I’d really rather see them when we can celebrate my recovery than when I’m high on drugs and look like the angel of death. It will be best for me if I AM alone during this so I can rest and get the hell out of the hospital! Also my surgeon did a fellowship at the Mayo Clinic. I’ll be at Duke Hospital. I’ll be in good hands. And if I die? Well, what will I care? I’ll be dead! At least I’ll know I had one hell of a life!

4.) See the sliver lining. I’ll be pain free – can there be a better goal? Also they just called today and asked if I’d be part of a clinical study about the biomechanics of hip replacement. I’ll get to go to the College of Sports Medicine at Duke and see how I’m doing before (with the old hip) and after (with the new hip). I’ll contribute to science! How cool! I’ll have great new stories for my speeches. And I’m going to start telling people I’m bionic. Or at least I’m made of titanium like the Terminator.

5.) Pay attention to the alternative. If you let your fear rule you, what will the consequences be? I could cancel the surgery. They gave me a cortisone shot and the pain has really decreased. Maybe I could make it another 6 months or a year. Yeah, maybe so. But I’ll never be younger and stronger than I am now. And if I back down now, I might even be more scared next time. And do I want to keep living in pain? I don’t want to plan another big trip because I’m afraid I’d be overseas and the pain would come back. The hell with that! One of the things my surgeon said was that if you are making life choices based on your hip pain, it’s time to get a new hip. How long will you let fear steal your joy?

6.) It will make you stronger. Nietzsche was right on this one. If I make it through this – one of my greatest fears has been facing a health crisis alone – I can make it through anything. I will no longer feel that I have to have a man to lean on. I will know that I, myself, can get through anything that life can throw at me and I will NEVER let myself down. Think about your fear – if you can get through it, won’t you be stronger? Won’t you grow and discover who you really are?

Fear can make you stronger or bring you to your knees – you get to decide. Use these tips to help you through. You know what I’m going to say right before they put me under? “I’ll be back.” With the Austrian accent.

Adorable Desserts

Last week one of the Sorbet Sistahs was struck down with an illness and missed our dinner. (Tracy, I'm just glad it wasn't the swine flu!). We carried on without her and were actually considering passing on dessert in her honor. You know - a fallen comrade and all. We decided we would just look at the dessert tray (almost always a fatal mistake).

We were at Brio http://www.brioitalian.com/dessert.html

They offer these small "sample" servings:

Strawberry Panna Cotta Parfaito
A Tuscan version of Strawberry Shortcake. Creamy vanilla bean Panna Cotta topped with sponge cake, strawberry sauce and fresh whipped cream 2.45

Creme Brulee
Creamy housemade custard with the season's freshest ingredients. Choose from Kahlua, Vanilla or Caramel 2.45

Key Lime Pie
Tart and refreshing with fresh lime and a pecan graham cracker crust topped with vanilla whipped cream 2.45

Brio's Famous Cheesecake
Rich and creamy cheesecake topped with caramelized sugar and creme anglaise 2.45

Milk Chocolate Caramel Cake
A decadent chocolate cake, layered with milk chocolate ganache, caramel, rich chocolate frosting and vanilla whipped cream 2.45

Tiramisu
Lady fingers layered with coffee liqueur, mascarpone cheese and cocoa 2.45


They were small. They were only $2.45.


We got four.

I know - crazy, right? But there was CARAMEL creme brulee, and Beth really wanted Tiramisu, and there was milk chocolate caramel cake. And they were cute. And did I mention they were only $2.45?

See how small they are?






I like to make it look like my Sistah, Beth is going to eat them all. See how sneaky I am?


Here they are:

Here they are - so cute!!! In the lower left hand is the chocolate caramel cake. Now here's something interesting - the waiter said this was no good - too sweet. Beth and I LOVED this one - it really blew the other ones away! Above that is Tiramisu. Not bad, but Tiramisu is Tiramisu. The one on the dessert tray was covered in chocolate shavings and that distracted us. Like a diamond. Sparkly.

The other two are the creme brulees. And you know what? They were no good - too soupy. Since I took my cooking class at Williams Sonoma, I knew that they had not been given enough time to set. (Oooh - are you impressed? I kinda was - especially since my most common act of cooking is defrosting things in the microwave.)

Of course, being the food snobs we are we only ate the chocolate and left the rest as a statement for the Chef.

Yeah, right.

The only dessert we leave is sorbet. And maybe biscotti.

Okay - what did we learn?

The expert (in this case our waiter) doesn't always know everything. If we listened to him, we wouldn't have had the best dessert! Get advice, but trust yourself.

Say yes!! When our Sistah fell ill, Beth and I almost didn't go out. But I'm so glad we did! Having fun with my Sistahs is so much fun and such a recharge for me - I don't make enough time for my friends and for fun. Do you? Make the plan and then make it happen.

Sometimes taking a look at the dessert tray is okay. Most of the time we diet, exercise and push ourselves. Our Sorbet Sistahs night is one of our rewards. Are you balancing your hard work with rewards? Make sure you do it - it just doesn't happen. Chances are pretty good you are much harder on yourself than you have to be.

And NEVER let the waiter talk you out of chocolate.

Marshmallow Show Down

Marshmallows are not all bad - they are great in hot chocolate, in cereal (who didn't like Lucky Charms as a kid?), and roasted over a campfire. They're also low in fat and calories. But not all marshmallows are created equal.

Kraft, creator of the infamous Swirlmallow (which also comes in strawberry - yikes!), has this Halloween entry:

These are supposed to be ghosts. All taste the same - vanilla. I'm not sure the brown color really adds anything to the mix, but it is fall-like. (Think dead leaves.)

Now look at these from our friends at Just Born:

and my favorite - chocolate mousse flavored cats:

Here's what they look like outside their packages:

Aren't they cute? The ghosts and the pumpkins taste the same - they are filled with white marshmallow. But the cats really taste like chocolate (well, as much as marshmallow CAN taste like chocolate). The Peeps really taste a lot better than the Kraft GhostMallows (good grief - I think Kraft needs to fire their creative team) - they are coasted with granular sugar crystals whereas the Kraft ghosts have that dusty powdery sugar coating. And the Peep marshmallow is fluffier, has more give. And there is just no comparing the artistry:

I really think Kraft needs to work on that brown color. It's just not good.

The GhostMallows still have the choking warning (although I can't imagine needing to cut one into bite-sized pieces - they are tiny. Come on, Kraft, lighten up!). No warning on the wild and crazy Peeps. I guess you'll just have to take your chances. Oh, and Peeps have a Halloween costume:

If a kid came to my door in that adorable costume, I would give them ALL my candy.